The Spirit of the Lord

Ist Samuel 16:14: And the spirit of the Lord departed from Saul, and was replaced by an unclean spirit.

The spirit of the Lord is the Holy Spirit. While there are some theological reasons why Saul had the Holy Spirit in the first place, and to why the Holy Spirit left him, I’m not sure as to the theological reasons. Most Orthodox Christians do not associate this verse with their daily life.

When I got mentally ill for the first time in February 2006, I just couldn’t survive anymore. My brain was wrecked from lack of sleep, my soul was embarrassed because I couldn’t shut up about my theological beliefs in high school. I had made a lot of enemies at high school.

I think my enemies were glad when I got expelled in 2007 for issues relating to my mental health. The year level co ordinator said to my mother ‘we don’t have the resources to cater for someone with your child’s disability.’

They did me a favor, though I would laugh if my enemies went to hell. It wouldn’t surprise me. What would surprise me is if anybody from my old high school got into heaven.

I’m the surest bet for somebody from state high getting into heaven. The average BSHS student was full of pride and ego. I make fun of that acronym, calling it Bull Shit High School. A lot of the other students there were not too happy about my expulsion either.

When I had my first psychotic breakdown, it felt like the Holy Spirit left me. I was all alone on that cross. Gradually people abandoned me as they could see there was no hope for progress in my life.

I miss some of my friends from that shitty high school. I don’t know whether they are alive or dead. Whatever the case, they will all have to answer to God for how they treated me.

3 weeks off my injection

I think it has been 3 weeks since I started oral anti-psychotics. I have been on an injectable form of the anti-psychotic for about 7 years now. Before then, I was taking medication since 2006. So that is 18 years on anti-psychotics and anti-depressants. Fancy that!

I only lived 16 years of my life before I needed anti-psychotics. A YouTube video explained that people commit suicide because they feel they are in situations that they can’t escape from.

I remember attempting suicide the first time. I was rushed to hospital in an ambulance. I remember going to the child and youth mental health service at 3am in the morning. Boy my life was pretty bad then.

I remember that. I was being bullied at high school. I had a phobia of going to work. I was having cognitive decline due to the onset of schizophrenia. I wasn’t doing well at job interviews.

I wanted so bad to leave that high school. Now, it is safe, but I’m bored out of my brains.

I wish I had successfully left that high school instead of trying to stay and get a girlfriend. None of the girls at high school wanted me anyway. I was a big dork.

Successful people

Daily writing prompt

When you think of the word “successful,” who’s the first person that comes to mind and why?

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When I think of success, I think of all the people I knew at my old high school who graduated. I got expelled from a posh high school, due to mental health difficulties. They said they didn’t have the resources to cater for me.

All of those snobs and bullies became successes except me. One of the died, God bless him. I pray for his salvation everyday, now he has been dead for over 10 years.

I don’t even know what happened to all those successes, because I don’t use Facebook. Not that anybody would care.

On the day I had my depot

I looked at my previous blogs. I have low self-esteem frequently, though it is getting better the longer I take my depot. I just hope I’m able to come off my depot in the future. I do not want to be on meds for the rest of my life.

My former psychiatrist said the maximum length of time somebody can be on medication is for 60 years. So I guess they just die after being medicated for so long? It is not a good way to live.

But I’m not in a hurry to find a new psychiatrist. Even though now, I only have my GP, I will look for a psychiatrist later on. I prefer going to a psychiatrist, as I can ask more specific questions about my illness.

This is a picture from the point-and-click game called Timelapse: Ancient Civilisations. It has a time machine in it. I would like to rewrite the history of my life, with the experiences I now have. I would of told my parents just how bad my old high school was. They would of let me leave that high school.

Ironically, I got kicked out of a very immoral high school, where they looked down on students who fell behind. But I would like to take the old school teachers to court for kicking me out of a school where I was bullied every day. But the judges are unethical, too. If they weren’t, they would of done something about it already.

God bless my enemies. You will not go unpunished in the next life.

God bless, brother

Shout out to all my homies in China, who with great humility do their jobs in life, and with toil successfully achieve their goals and ambitions in life.

I could never survive in China, unless my parents looked after me, due to my mental illness which causes deterioration in my psyche. When I first got sick and was at Brisbane State High School, I was psycho-retarded. It was a real tragedy. I couldn’t study, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, because the voices were relentlessly accusing me.

I certainly would not be able to get into Beijing University. And it would be a waste of money for my parents to send me there, as I’d never be able to get a job anywhere, due to my disability.

So shout out to all my friends on qq who are really successful and ambitious in life. Chase excellence, not women.

Shout out to mr human for his continued grace and kindness to me. You are a legend, brother! Play PUBG as much as you please!