The Spirit of the Lord

Ist Samuel 16:14: And the spirit of the Lord departed from Saul, and was replaced by an unclean spirit.

The spirit of the Lord is the Holy Spirit. While there are some theological reasons why Saul had the Holy Spirit in the first place, and to why the Holy Spirit left him, I’m not sure as to the theological reasons. Most Orthodox Christians do not associate this verse with their daily life.

When I got mentally ill for the first time in February 2006, I just couldn’t survive anymore. My brain was wrecked from lack of sleep, my soul was embarrassed because I couldn’t shut up about my theological beliefs in high school. I had made a lot of enemies at high school.

I think my enemies were glad when I got expelled in 2007 for issues relating to my mental health. The year level co ordinator said to my mother ‘we don’t have the resources to cater for someone with your child’s disability.’

They did me a favor, though I would laugh if my enemies went to hell. It wouldn’t surprise me. What would surprise me is if anybody from my old high school got into heaven.

I’m the surest bet for somebody from state high getting into heaven. The average BSHS student was full of pride and ego. I make fun of that acronym, calling it Bull Shit High School. A lot of the other students there were not too happy about my expulsion either.

When I had my first psychotic breakdown, it felt like the Holy Spirit left me. I was all alone on that cross. Gradually people abandoned me as they could see there was no hope for progress in my life.

I miss some of my friends from that shitty high school. I don’t know whether they are alive or dead. Whatever the case, they will all have to answer to God for how they treated me.

It’s so lonely here…

This is a picture of the Holy Spirit, that beloved pigeon. I don’t have the Holy Spirit, or else I wouldn’t call Him a pigeon.

But there are other reasons why I don’t have the Holy Spirit. I am not grace-filled. I do not perform miracles. My prayers do not amount to anything. All my prayers for the healing of my friends go unanswered.

Our God is an all-consuming fire. Even in hell, His love predominates.

I sure wish the blessed pigeon would take me out of hell. Actually no, I like my disability, because I get free money in this country for being disabled. If God did heal me, I still wouldn’t know what to do with my life.

Even in hell, there is mercy. Even in hell, the pigeon still loves you.

The holy spirit

The Holy Spirit, how it departed from me!
Oh, how it wanted to be free
Of my raging insanity, of my hypocritical demeanour
Of my burning hatred, for all there is and more

I wish he’d come back, I wish I could call Him
But He has departed hence, the chances are slim
That He’d remember me, that I could save my soul
Life is all very cold.

Old age

I am advancing in years. I certainly wish I could prolong my life. But whatever for? All that I want is in heaven with God. Why prolong my agony any longer?

I wish all the best for everybody who reads my blog. I wish you all health, wealth, and success.

Life is a nightmare. With widespread violence, love is dwindling as well.

I wish the Holy Spirit would come back to warm up the world.

I thank my friend for coming over today to celebrate a mini divine liturgy. God bless you.